“When we dare to quiet our minds and all the thoughts we inherit, the differences between us move back, and the things we have in common move forward.” – Mark Nepo
Ah, 2025—the world feels unsteady for so many of us, regardless of our beliefs or backgrounds. Recently, I’ve been reflecting on how improving our ability to listen could help create a more peaceful and collaborative world. And I realize that change must start with me.
Not all moments of listening require the same “ear,” but there are times when listening well feels especially important—like:
- The kind of listening I do when one of my sons has a rare moment of vulnerability at bedtime.
- The kind of listening I do in my office when clients share personal stories.
- The kind of listening I do with myself when I’m grappling with an uncomfortable emotion.
Listening “well” makes people feel seen, heard, and understood. It has the power to heal, connect, and transform relationships.
Expanding My Understanding of Listening
My curiosity about listening started when I began a coaching program led by psychologist Amy Johnson. The goal of this program is to help me expand beyond my work as a dietitian. So much of the time spent in sessions isn’t about giving advice on what to eat. My clients want—and deserve—more. They’re seeking lasting, sustainable change, rooted in deeper life work.
Through Amy’s coaching, I’ve come to truly appreciate how transformative listening can be—not just in nutrition counseling, but in all relationships. A core principle of Amy’s training is listening—not just to words, but to others, to ourselves, and to life itself. Deep listening creates a safe space where people feel understood and valued. The more I practice it, the more I realize how rare and transformative this kind of listening can be. To be truly heard is a gift—and one that everyone deserves from a healthcare professional or coach.
The Art of Listening
Dr. Mark Howard, a master of the practice of listening, was interviewed in the coaching program, and I love what he had to say:
“Listening is the one powerful thing we can do for ourselves and anyone else. It elevates relationships, heals trauma, fosters creativity, and lessens conflicts. It’s about making what’s in someone’s heart more important than anything you have to think about.”
Howard’s description shows that listening is both simple and profound. It’s not a grand, mystical act—it’s simply being present. In that presence, we feel the oneness and humanity that exists between ourselves and others. And in that space, connection happens.
This idea brings to mind Won’t You Be My Neighbor?, the documentary about Mr. Rogers. Mr. Rogers was a master of presence. He wasn’t in a hurry to respond or to fill silence with words. Instead, he was deliberate, quiet, and intentional. His ability to truly see and hear people is why so many adored him.
When I reflect on listening through this lens, it becomes clearer how to put it into practice. It’s not about having all the answers. It’s about setting aside ego and judgment to make space for understanding. Howard and Mr. Rogers both modeled listening as an act of kindness and respect.
The Pitfalls of “Listening”
Most of us weren’t trained to listen like Mr. Rogers. And to be fair—especially as parents—when three kids are talking at once or we’re rushing out the door, deep listening isn’t always easy or even possible. Much of my time is spent hearing… versus truly listening.
But don’t we all know what it feels like not to be listened to? I’ve felt it leaving a doctor’s office, talking to a partner who’s multitasking, or being brushed off by a distracted teenager. (Um… I’m definitely not innocent here—I’ve done the same myself.)
And because of our humanness, our listening habits can sometimes make others feel unseen. On an episode of We Can Do Hard Things by Glennon Doyle, I loved how Glennon described several examples of how people can fall into less helpful listening patterns…granola, frozen blueberries and soy milk…
The Shover
This is the person who feels uncomfortable when you share something hard and rushes to offer hope—even when you didn’t ask for it. They might say things like:
- “Life’s got a plan for you.”
- “It’s darkest before dawn.”
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
Well-meaning as they are, their message is clear: they want you to skip the hard part and jump to the happy ending. It’s a form of emotional bypassing that often leaves you feeling dismissed or rushed.
The Comparer
Before you’re even finished sharing, the comparer is already lining up their experiences against yours. You might hear:
- “Oh, I know how that feels. It happened to me when my kid turned 15 too.”
- “Do you know Debbie? She went through the same thing last year.”
While they might intend to relate, it feels more like they hijacked your moment and took the spotlight for themselves. Instead of feeling seen, you feel like your experience isn’t unique or worthy of its own space.
The Fixer (this one is where I might be guilty…esp. bullet point #3…)
The fixer is ready with their “foolproof” solutions before you even ask. They might say:
- “Oh girl, you should set some intentions.”
- “You need to visit this healer—I promise he can fix it.”
- “You need to read this book right now. It’s exactly what you need.”
While they’re eager to help, their suggestions often come across as a dismissal of your feelings and an assumption that you aren’t capable of finding your own answers.
The Reporter
The reporter is more focused on gathering all the juicy details than truly listening. They’ll ask invasive questions that feel more like data collection than support:
- “Wait—what did he say exactly?”
- “How long has this been going on?”
And often, they can’t resist sharing what you told them with others: “Did you hear that Jennifer and her teenager are having big problems? He was diagnosed with xyz, and they’re struggling!”
While there may be genuine concern, it’s often overshadowed by their need to gossip or entertain at your expense.
The Victim
Lastly, there’s the victim—the listener who somehow makes your story all about them. They may say:
- “I can’t believe you waited so long to tell me.”
- “I’m hurt that Billy knew before me—I thought we were closer!”
Instead of offering support, they shift the focus to their own hurt, leaving you feeling guilty and unsupported.
How I Am Trying To Practice Listening
1. Start with an Empty Mind
When someone shares something with me, I try to clear my mind of any preconceived thoughts or responses. If I notice my mind preparing a reply, I let that urge settle. Amy Johnson describes this as waiting for a “wiser” response to arise rather than reacting with your “thinking mind.”
Mark Nepo writes that true listening takes the courage to sit in the “unknowing” between what’s said and our instinct to respond.
This approach has helped me, especially with clients. Rather than jumping in with the “right answer,” I’ve noticed a more meaningful, collaborative connection emerges when I wait and am patient.
2. With My Kids
A parenting expert once shared this advice for how to respond when a child shares something:
- Would you like me to just listen?
- Would you like to talk through this together?
- Would you like me to do something about this?
These questions help my kids feel understood and allow me to support them in the way they need. They also slow me down before I chime in with what I think is important or they should know.
3. Having Compassion for Different Journeys
Another lesson I’ve reflected on recently is how much our life circumstances shape our health journeys. We all see life through the lens of our experiences, and the same is true for others.
Consider:
- Did we choose the family or environment we were raised in?
- Did we choose the socioeconomic circumstances that influenced our food choices?
- Did we choose the cultural norms that shaped how we view health, weight, or nutrition?
- Did we choose the people or situations that influenced our relationship with food?
When I listen to clients, I remind myself of these questions. Many factors beyond a person’s control shape their relationship with food, self-care, and body image. Recognizing this helps me listen with curiosity and compassion rather than judgment.
If I approach a conversation with the mindset that I’m here to “fix” someone, meaningful connection rarely happens. But when I listen with the understanding that everyone’s path is unique, I notice we can work together more collaboratively to find solutions that resonate.
Mark Howard compares listening to a built-in app we didn’t know we had. We’re wired for connection, and when we tap into that, we realize how well-equipped we are to understand and support each other.
When I commit to truly listening—to my husband, my kids, my clients, even to those who challenge or frustrate me—my day feels richer, slower, and more meaningful. Listening creates a ripple effect, deepening the space between us.
Listening won’t solve the world’s problems overnight, but it’s a start. It’s a way of saying, “I see you. I hear you. You matter.” As Mr. Rogers once said, “The greatest gift you ever give is your honest self.” So, I’ll start by listening—not just with my ears, but with my heart.