If you’re feeding a picky eater, you’ve probably asked yourself questions like:
- Should I make them finish dinner?
- Should dessert only come after they’ve eaten their vegetables?
- Am I making picky eating worse?
- How do I encourage healthier choices without creating food battles?
As a registered dietitian—and a mom of three—I ask myself some of those same questions.
Recently, I attended a workshop by body image therapist and eating disorder specialist Zoë Bisbing on creating shame-free food limits at home. While much of what she shared aligned with approaches we already use at McDaniel Nutrition Therapy, a few ideas challenged my own thinking. I left feeling both reassured and inspired to make a few small changes in my own kitchen.
Here are the six takeaways that stayed with me most.
1. Parents and Children Have Different Jobs at Mealtime
One of the most well-established approaches to feeding children comes from dietitian Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility.
In this model:
- Parents decide what foods are offered.
- Parents decide when meals and snacks happen.
- Parents decide where food is served.
Children decide:
- Whether they eat.
- How much they eat.
Zoë emphasized that our role as parents doesn’t stop there. We also observe our child’s eating, try to understand what their behavior is communicating, and tolerate the uncomfortable feelings that sometimes come when they don’t eat the way we’d hoped.
That can be harder than it sounds.
Instead of immediately saying,
“Are you sure that’s all you’re going to eat?”
or
“No dessert—you barely touched your dinner.”
we can pause and ask ourselves whether we’re responding from trust or from fear.
But what if my child barely eats anything?
That’s one of the hardest parts of this approach. Trusting your child doesn’t mean ignoring concerns about nutrition or growth. If your child has a very limited diet, poor growth, ADHD, autism, sensory differences, or another medical condition affecting eating, working with a pediatric dietitian can be incredibly helpful.
2. Avoid Turning Foods Into “Good” and “Bad”
Most parents want their children to eat a variety of foods—and that’s a worthwhile goal.
But when foods become highly restricted or labeled as “junk,” they often become even more appealing.
Rather than framing foods as good or bad, Zoë encouraged setting calm, consistent limits.
For example:
“You’ve already had soda today. Would you like milk or water instead?”
The limit stays the same.
The tone changes.
Children don’t need shame to learn healthy habits.
3. Kids Can Often Regulate Better Than We Think
Have you ever found:
- Half a cookie on the counter?
- A few bites left in an ice cream bowl?
- A half-finished soda?
Our first reaction might be annoyance.
But Zoë reframed those moments as evidence that many children naturally stop eating when they’ve had enough.
Of course, this isn’t true for every child.
Some children—particularly those with ADHD or sensory processing differences—may have a harder time recognizing hunger and fullness or may seek certain textures and flavors more intensely. That doesn’t mean they’re “bad eaters.” It simply means they may need a different kind of support.
4. Pair Foods Instead of Fighting Them
One idea I especially liked was something Zoë called pairing.
Instead of serving cookies by themselves, pair them with almonds, yogurt, fruit, or another nourishing food.
The goal isn’t to “cancel out” the cookie.
It’s simply to normalize all foods while also building balanced meals and snacks.
She also talked about occasionally serving dessert alongside dinner rather than making it something children have to earn.
I’ll admit—that one still stretches me a little.
In our house, dessert has traditionally come after dinner. But I can appreciate the idea behind it: when dessert isn’t placed on a pedestal, it often loses some of its power.
There’s no single right way to approach dessert. The bigger takeaway for me was asking whether my rules around food are supporting my child’s long-term relationship with eating—or simply reducing my own anxiety in the moment.
5. Create a Sense of Abundance
One observation immediately reminded me of my own boys.
When they think there’s only one cookie left or that a favorite snack is disappearing, suddenly they want it more.
Scarcity creates urgency.
Creating abundance doesn’t mean unlimited access to every food.
It means children learn that foods aren’t disappearing forever. There will be another opportunity tomorrow.
Interestingly, years ago we rarely kept chips or cookies in the house. Now they’re almost always available, and most of the time they don’t hold nearly as much excitement. It’s often the foods that feel rare or restricted that become the most powerful.
6. Connection Before Correction
Perhaps my favorite reminder from the workshop had very little to do with nutrition itself.
Build connection around food.
Cook together.
Browse cookbooks together.
Let your child help choose recipes.
Go grocery shopping together.
I’ve been wanting to get my boys more involved in cooking, but whenever I ask what they’d like to make, I hear the same handful of meals.
My new plan is to check out a few cookbooks from the library, flip through them together, and let each of them choose one recipe to make with me.
It isn’t really about the recipe.
It’s about spending time together, building confidence, and creating positive experiences around food that have nothing to do with pressure.
My Biggest Takeaway
As both a dietitian and a mom, this workshop reminded me that feeding children isn’t about finding the perfect script.
It’s about creating enough structure for kids to feel safe, enough flexibility for them to learn to trust their own bodies, and enough patience to remember that healthy eating develops over years—not over one dinner.
If there’s one thing I’m taking into my own kitchen, it’s this:
Before I jump in with a comment about what my child is (or isn’t) eating, I want to pause and ask myself whether I’m trying to support his relationship with food…or simply trying to ease my own worry.
Those aren’t always the same thing.
If you’re in the thick of feeding a picky eater, know that you’re not alone. Mealtimes can feel stressful, but sometimes a few small shifts in how we think about food can make a meaningful difference—for both our children and ourselves.
Need Support?
If you’re navigating picky eating, ADHD, sensory differences, or family mealtime struggles, our registered dietitians at McDaniel Nutrition Therapy are here to help. We work with families to reduce stress around meals while supporting growth, nutrition, and a healthy relationship with food.